The Best Trip I’ve Ever Taken

I embarked on this trip over 15 years ago, sometimes travelling fast, sometimes a little slower. This is how I arrived to where (and who) I am today.

The Beginning

My personal development and spiritual exploration began back in 2007-2008ish when I first watched The Secret. My roommate Brian recommended it and I downloaded it from a torrent site. I wouldn’t say it was a life-altering moment and I don’t think the movie really hit me all that much, but I do acknowledge that it was at least partially responsible for planting some seeds and opening me up to possibilities.

About a year later, I was gifted a copy of The Success Principles by Jack Canfield which seemed to arrive at the perfect time. I had recently graduated university and had taken a role at a bank where things really just weren’t vibing for me. I had moved to a new city for the position and didn’t know a single person, so I was essentially isolated and on my own. 

I started at the bank in the winter so I was getting to my desk when it was dark and leaving when it was dark. And then I would just go home to my empty apartment, smoke weed and work on music. I actually wrote my first album there - so that was cool - but for the most part I was simply watching the days go by week after week, month after month. I was gifted The Success Principles in July and I would park down by a river during my lunch break and read. By the time August rolled around I was ready to hand in my two weeks notice and by mid-September I was done.

I wouldn’t necessarily consider The Success Principles as being must-read material for everybody, but the endless positivity and self-empowerment that streamed from its pages certainly arrived at the perfect moment and encouraged me to take accountability for where I was at. 

Shortly after leaving the bank I became completely obsessed with the realm of personal development and self-mastery and picked up every book I could. Earlier on, as with most people, I gravitated towards the more well-known names and titles…Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dale Carnegie, etc…I still have them all.

At the time, for the first couple years or so, my pursuit was almost exclusively aimed at achieving outward forms of success. It wasn’t necessarily a conscious decision, it’s just the content that seemed to be available. I also read a lot of the stuff from Hay House Publishing which opened up a bit more of the spiritual side (Louise L. Hay, Wayne Dyer, etc.) but for the most part my focus was on “manifestation”, “attraction”, accumulating stuff…but it seemed like there was more.

Authors like Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, W. Clement Stone and Jim Rohn - very generally speaking - approached self-mastery largely from a motivational, career-oriented angle where habits and systems rule the day, but I knew there was something deeper than just goal-setting, affirmations, effective time-management, positive self-image/expectation and the “law of attraction”. Although there are endless gems to be found in the aforementioned books, those authors seemed to cater towards a specific crowd (business-minded professionals, salespersons, managerial types, etc.) and I was still thirsting for more. 

It felt like I had a bunch of puzzle pieces, but not enough of them to put the WHOLE picture together. To me, it wasn’t good enough to talk about “energy”,  “attraction”, “vibration” and “the universe” (even though the truth of it all resonated deeply with me), I needed to reconcile it all and understand it comprehensively, even if only to cement my own belief in it.

The Transition

As my appetite for knowledge, wisdom and understanding grew, the authors and content I consumed also began to expand.  Authors like Dr. Joseph Murphy (The Power of Your Subconscious Mind) and Dr. Joe Dispenza (Evolve Your Brain, Becoming Supernatural, Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself) satisfied my yearning for a more clinical, psychological and biophysical take, and then names like Eckhart Tolle and Emmet Fox filled in the existential and metaphysical gaps. 

I intuitively FELT the truth in the words "your thoughts create your reality”, but these authors made it make sense in a real, tangible way. All of this positive mindstate/frequency/vibration stuff wasn’t just some woo-woo magic pixie dust type of thing - it was measurable, quantifiable and objectively observable. You could literally hook somebody up to some form of biometric monitoring device and actually watch the vibrational changes when they entered into states of meditation or participated in visualization exercises. It’s real.

Emmet Fox and Eckhart Tolle then expanded my spiritual awareness and were the perfect complimentary pieces to subsidize my development and understanding. From a philosophical standpoint, they really challenged me to consider the nature of personal identity and the ego. They made me slow down and really ask myself “am I the thinker thinking the thought, or am I the WITNESS watching the thinker think the thought?”. René Descartes famously proclaimed “I think, therefore I am”, but perhaps it would’ve been more accurate to say “I’m AWARE that I think, therefore I am”. Tolle really made me wrestle with the ideas of awareness, the ego-self and being the watcher.

Emmet Fox on the other hand tied up some loose ends for me from a theological perspective. I had grown up Catholic and had gone to Catholic schools my entire life from Kindergarten all the way through high school. Although I wasn’t raised with an overly strict commitment to the doctrine of Catholicism, it was undoubtedly a piece of my upbringing. At some point though, I became disillusioned with religion in general. I always believed in some form of “God” and was never even remotely close to being an atheist, but religion itself became somewhat off-putting to me. So much blood had been shed throughout the centuries, so much division had been sown as a direct result of religious differences and the dogma and pompous arrogance of it all drove me away.

However, Emmet Fox’s Sermon on the Mount brought me back to the core of it all and revived my interest in the teachings of Jesus. Fox came straight out of the gate disavowing the rigid conventions and rules of traditional orthodoxy and it connected with me right away. He then went on to dissect some of Jesus’s sermons and prayers, breaking them down line by line with a metaphysical and spiritual interpretation. There wasn’t an ounce of religious dogma to be found, it was just raw truth. I’ve read Sermon on the Mount at least 4 times now and it sits in my “if the house goes up in flames, grab these books” pile. 

The Breakthrough

As time went on I naturally transitioned away from the “law of attraction” books entirely and immersed myself in spiritual and metaphysical content - Fox, Osho, Ram Dass, Yogananda, Alan Watts, Gary Zukav to name a few - and focused more and more on presence, awareness, mindfulness and oneness. This was and is the REAL gold, but I don’t think I would’ve known it without first going through all those other books. They all played a role, they all contributed to the foundation and they all provided a golden nugget that encouraged me to keep digging.

Over the years I had consumed A LOT of content; I had read hundreds of books, taken courses, tried various meditation techniques and tools, familiarized myself with various Eastern philosophies, listened to tapes and lectures…and the one common thread running through ALL of them was that there is something bigger out there, a power that you can tap into and a source that you can never deplete or be fully separated from because It is a part of you, and you are a part of It. Some people call It God, some people call It the Universe or Source or Creator or Consciousness. But these are all just words and labels. They don’t matter much because It exists beyond words. But It exists. And It’s not separate from you. Call It whatever you want.

After taking in so much content I also started seeing how all the teachings and strategies from the “law of attraction” books tied in with a lot of the ancient texts (and values like stillness, presence, detachment, etc.), and many of them, if you distill it down enough, were essentially saying the same things; you are an infinitely powerful being, you can refine your ability to tap into this power through intentional actions, and you can, at the very worst, develop the ability to make the best out of any given situation. It all just started clicking.

Happiness

One thing that grew to become abundantly clear is that happiness is the one thing that we all crave. We may have a wishlist of desires and things that we want, but if you drill down enough you’ll realize that the real reason you want those things is because you think you’ll be happier when you get them. 

There was a time when I was pretty much working backwards, striving to achieve things that I thought would bring me happiness. It was as if happiness came AFTER the attainment of something; a new job, a new car, more money, more clothes and shoes, awards and recognition. I had effectively reduced happiness to just another item to attain, something separate from myself. It was still a destination. A noun instead of a verb.

On a very innate level I knew that happiness was a choice though, and I soon discovered how much work was required to develop the kind of awareness and emotional balance that it takes to reset your default mode of being to “Happy”. All of the books - from Wayne Dyer to Claude Bristol to Joe Vitale to Tony Robbins - spoke of the importance of having a positive attitude and optimistic disposition, but it was really the spirituality books that showed me the HOW. 

The How and secret to happiness is, in a word, mindfulness. You need to mind your thoughts and become the witness of them as Eckhart Tolle explained. You are the witness of the thinker, not the thinker or the thoughts themselves. Once you become mindful of this, you create space and emotional detachment which allows for a change in perspective. You give happiness a chance.

This sounds simple in concept but it’s extremely difficult in practice because mindfulness is a lifelong commitment to disciplined awareness and steadfast presence. It’s not easy to break stubborn behavioural habits or to replace subconscious programs that have been running on autopilot for decades - but the path to true authentic power is in the work, and that work IS the way.

And the work NEVER stops. Ever. But that’s the price we must pay if we want to be truly happy. If we fail to meet this requisite standard of vigilance, we’ll constantly be at the mercy of our EXTERNAL environment (people, places and events), allowing them to determine our INTERNAL environment (thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions).

There is only the “is-ness” of things, as I like to say. Not bad, not good, just is. Everything else is just a melange of conditional appraisals, value judgments and completely subjective interpretations that literally CREATE our experience.

These interpretations and assigned meanings can help us organize and make sense of the world around us but they’re just stories and subjective opinions. Maybe you say it’s terrible outside because it’s raining, but a farmer says it’s great outside because it’s raining…maybe it’s terrible, maybe it’s great, but the only thing we know for sure is that it’s raining.

When you are mindful of the “is-ness” of a situation, you aren’t bound by the limits of subjective interpretation. You have created a space for something better. Again, you have given happiness a chance.

Maybe you disagree, but these aren’t my ideas. The greatest thinkers ever to exist on our planet - from Einstein to Plato, from Shakespeare to Jesus to Jung - all understood this core truth. They may have expressed it in different ways using different words but they’re all stirring the same drink and reading off the same menu.

One last thing that is important to clarify is that it’s NOT about putting on rose-coloured sunglasses and “pretending” everything is good. It’s more so about maintaining perspective (through mindful presence and awareness) while withholding judgment and opening yourself up to acceptance. It’s not easy to do, especially when the chips are down.

During those moments when things are a little dark and heavy, I think it’s helpful to understand the concept of an emotional scale. For example, if you’re currently feeling like a 2/10, then immediately jumping to an 8/10 is not a reasonable expectation, so just try reaching for a 3/10…then a 4 and maybe even a 5 will be accessible…once you’re there maybe a 5.5 or 6 is accessible. 

Just keep reaching for the highest feeling thought possible even if you’re just going from suicidal depression to rage…because from rage you can get to anger and then to blame…then from blame you can get to frustration to worry to pessimism…then to disinterest to boredom to indifferent…I think we can agree that feeling indifferent is better than being steeped in suicidal depression and you don’t get there by “pretending to be happy”, you get there by intentionally reaching up one rung at a time for whatever improvement is available. If a 3/10 is the best that is available in the moment then that’s all you need to reach for. Just take it one step at a time.

Conclusion

It’s been about 15 years now since I first watched The Secret and read The Success Principles, and the time has flown by. Out of those 15 years, the first 10-11 of them were the “building years” where I stumbled around, trial and erroring my way through, exploring and experimenting. But it’s really only been the last 4 years or so when everything really started coming together. Even amidst the mayhem of tyrannical governments, social upheaval and a completely rotten and corrupt global financial system, my general state of being has been relatively blissful. Not only do I understand that I determine how I feel, but I prove it to myself every day of my life. It’s work that requires discipline and diligence and it’s work that will never stop, ever. But from the deepest depths of my soul, I know it’s the way. 

As an aside, I think it’s important to say that I also slip up every single day - so I’m by no means perfect, and there are still times when my stoic resolve surrenders and disintegrates under a wave of fervor and forgetfulness. It happens. Catch yourself (regain awareness), recalibrate and reset. No biggie.

Essential Material

Over the years I added many MANY authors to my library but the list below are the ones that left an indelible mark on me. They may or may not hit the same for you, but these ones are the pillars of my collection.

Kevin Trudeau - “Your Wish Is Your Command” lecture series: Kevin Trudeau’s “Your Wish Is Your Command” isn’t a book (it’s an audio series) but it came at the right time for me and I replayed them endlessly when I discovered them. There are about 14 CD’s in total and he covers A LOT. He was also one of the first ones I came across who talked about diet/processed foods and the importance of taking care of your physical brain and body. He got slandered pretty good some years back so I have no idea what his deal is, but the information he shares in this lecture series changed my life.

Emmet Fox - Sermon on the Mount: Fox is an old-school author (1930’s/40’s) so it takes a bit of time to adjust to his prose, but he really delivers Jesus’ message in a practical way. He steers clear of the shortcomings of mainstream religion (overly ritualistic, dogmatic and stiff) and speaks about the utility of stuff like meditation, which he refers to as “scientific prayer”. He single-handedly brought me back to the teachings of Jesus and his line-by-line breakdown of The Lord’s Prayer really cut to the heart of The Truth.

Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth: I’m not sure what it was about this book that made such an impact, I just remember that there were 3-4 parts that absolutely rocked my world. I don’t even recall the exact concepts or the words themselves, I just remember that this book fundamentally changed the way I viewed “myself”, this world, and the role of the ego-self.

Abraham (Esther Hicks) - Ask and It Is Given: Out of all the books and authors I’ve talked about so far, it’s almost criminal that this is the first time I’ve mentioned the teachings of Abraham (as channeled through Esther Hicks). Ask and It Is Given is probably THEE book that has had the biggest impact on my understanding and development. It’s spiritual, it’s practical and it’s extremely digestible and simple to follow (although it shouldn’t be that surprising considering how evolved “Abraham” is, they have a wonderfully clear way with words). If I could only have one book for the rest of my life, this would be it.

The Law of One - Ra (Channeled via several ppl): I haven’t read all of the books yet so I’m just gonna put this here as a placeholder until I can collect my entire thoughts…but the gold inside of these books is immensely valuable.

Bonus Notes on Death

It’s impossible to engage deeply with any spiritual philosophy without tangling and dancing with the topic of death (and ultimately, rebirth). It’s an area that really intrigues me and I’ve read a bunch of books about it, from Delores Cannon’s Between Death and Life to Dr. Michael Newton’s trilogy (Journey of Souls, Wisdom of Souls and Destiny of Souls) to Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss. They’ve certainly brought me comfort and have undoubtedly expanded my frame of reference when it comes to the possibilities.

In addition to having some pretty unique experiences over the years, I have also been lucky enough to “communicate” with some deceased loved ones in a few very rare instances. It’s not verbal, it’s a completely telepathic and intuitive exchange. I don’t quite have the ability to get to that place at will during meditation and quite frankly, it has taken a lot out of me whenever I have got to that space. It’s profoundly humbling and the emotional/energetic intensity of it all is almost too much to handle - so I came out of meditation feeling drained each time. I usually sit at the end of my bed for like 20 minutes afterwards just trying to process the experience and the enormous sense of gratitude that comes with it.

All said, the books, readings and experiences have led me to develop a pretty healthy relationship with the concept of death. It will always be difficult and painful saying farewell to your loved ones in this reality and there’s no shortcut around the grief, but it’s also a valuable time to create space for elucidating self-discovery. It’s entirely up to us how we handle death and there are truly no “wrong” ways to grieve, some ways just have the potential to be more illuminating than others. Not better, not worse, just different.

For me personally, I don’t care what you guys do with me after I go. I don’t need a funeral, a gravesite, an obituary or ANYTHING. I don’t even need anybody to remember me. I literally don’t care. I think there is a legitimate chance that I'm going to outlive every single one of you reading this (I'm only half-joking), but if I do go before you guys, then just know that I’ll be sticking around for a bit to nudge my loved ones to provide some comfort and give a sign that I'm doing great…but after that I’m catching the first train back to wherever the f*ck I came from, Baby! It’s going to be glorious whenever that time does come✨